Empathy No. 069
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CARLIE: You're feeling guilty again? Roderick, there's nothing wrong about wanting to have sex with your girlfriend.
RODERICK: I know.
CARLIE: Then why do you look upset?
RODERICK: Because I said we couldn't do this, and...I always thought I had more self-control than the other boys.
CARLIE: You're not a robot. That's what you always said, right? People treat you like a robot, but you're a person and people like sex.
RODERICK: Yeah.
CARLIE: I guess I have to leave soon. I just wish I could stay longer. This is the best part, when I can lay here with you, listen to your breathing, to your heart...
RODERICK: The best part...
CARLIE: Be honest. You want to know if the stories are the true, don't you?
RODERICK: Boys lie, I know that.
CARLIE: Allison knows that too, and she still thinks I'm a sex fiend. So I want to tell you how this all started, and you can think I'm lying - Allie does - but I swear it's true. Okay?
RODERICK: Okay.
CARLIE: All right. So last year, I decided that I wanted to know what sex was like.
RODERICK: You decided?
CARLIE: Yeah, I decided! You know, if a boy decides he wants to try sex, no one asks why. Girls like it too, it just that there's a lot more than can go wrong when we do it. I'll just tell you this - Roderick, you are exactly the second man I've been with. Swear to God.
RODERICK: So all this happened from sleeping with one man?
CARLIE: Yep. And you don't know him, he moved away - brother of one of the other students. He was older - eighteen, maybe even nineteen or twenty. You know, I thought that he'd be more mature, he'd be better than one of the losers in Redgrove. And at first it was great. My first time was wonderful.
RODERICK: Then he told his friends.
CARLIE: He told his friends, all right. He told his friends...I think he said that he popped a tiny sour cherry. God, so gross. Then his friends, they started making up stories. He had to keep up too, you know, it wasn't enough that he actually had sex with me, so he made up all these awful things I supposedly did. Then his younger brother started telling stories in Redgrove.
RODERICK: How long did this take?
CARLIE: I don't know, it was maybe a month until I heard about it? And I was feeling good - I had my first time, it was great, and I was enjoying my life. And then I hear that some kid I think I met like twice is claiming I gave him a blowjob. It spread so fast...I used to have this notebook, all the names of the boys I supposedly did things with? I gave up counting after twenty.
RODERICK: I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
CARLIE: Gets worse. You know, the people in the office, the way they think is that if kids are spreading rumors about someone, then there must be some truth, you know? So Principal Newman calls me in, he's in there with Mr. Delson so we can talk about my behavioral problems.
RODERICK: Yeah, they mentioned that to me, too.
CARLIE: They're still talking about me like that? Hell...so I tell them what I'm telling you, and I guess they didn't believe it. A week later, people are saying that I did both of them. Right there in the office. And ever since then, these guys who are older than my Dad are giving me creepy looks all the time. And...there's one other thing, but I never told this to anyone, so please don't tell anyone, okay?
RODERICK: I promise.
CARLIE: Okay. This one day, it was worse that normal, and I felt...like it was never going to stop. After I got home, I went into the bathroom, I found some old pills, Mom's I think, and...I took a whole bunch of them and got really sick.
RODERICK: Were you okay?
CARLIE: Yeah, I don't know what they were but they don't kill you - just make you wish you were dead for a while. I was throwing up all over, and I had to clean it up real quick because I did not want to explain that to my parents. Afterwards, I was in my room, and I was just happy that I didn't die. I don't know why I'm talking about this, hoping that you can explain it to me, maybe.
RODERICK: I think I understand. I, uh...I almost died once.
CARLIE: Do you want to tell me about it?
RODERICK: Another time.
CARLIE: Okay. God, I just wish I met you last year instead of that loser. You're better at it than he was, anyway. You respect my body.
RODERICK: If you say so.
CARLIE: I do say so. Ah, I have to leave soon...I wish I could stay.
RODERICK: Same here.
End of Part VII
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