Empathy No. 159

04/22/03, MasterHub session, 4:24 PM

Carlie1SC: hey roderick

RBStoryteller: What's up?

Carlie1SC: do you think you could come over?

Carlie1SC: just for a few minutes, i swear

RBStoryteller: It's getting pretty late to leave.

Carlie1SC: i know, but i want to talk to you face to face.

RBStoryteller: How about tomorrow at school?

Carlie1SC: it's too crowded there.

Carlie1SC: please? just for ten minutes?

RBStoryteller: What's going on? Are you okay?

Carlie1SC: that's not it.

RBStoryteller: You're not dumping me, are you?

Carlie1SC: no, but you might not want to be with me after i tell you.

Carlie1SC: roderick, i've been lying to you.

RBStoryteller: Lying about what?

Carlie1SC: please, i don't want to talk about it like this.

RBStoryteller: Carlie, you can trust me. I'm sure it's all right.

Carlie1SC: allie says i shouldn't even bring it up.

Carlie1SC: but i'm not going to keep this up just for the sake of stupid prom.

RBStoryteller: We can wait until later and then I can call you, if that's better.

Carlie1SC: i'm a bad girlfriend.

RBStoryteller: Don't say that.

Carlie1SC: but i lied and i swore i never would.

RBStoryteller: Can you just tell me what this is about?

Carlie1SC: okay

Carlie1SC: it was back around spring break, i thought something bad had happened.

Carlie1SC: and i should have told you about it.

RBStoryteller: You're being very vague.

Carlie1SC: yeah, because i hate myself.

RBStoryteller: You were very quiet back then. I thought you were mad.

Carlie1SC: i wasn't mad.

Carlie1SC: i thought i might be pregnant.

Carlie1SC: but i wasn't i swear

RBStoryteller: Then everything's fine, right?

RBStoryteller: So why are you saying that you hate yourself?

Carlie1SC: god, you have to be so rational

Carlie1SC: it's because i didn't tell you about it.

Carlie1SC: because it it was true then i couldn't keep it and i didn't know what you'd think

RBStoryteller: What are you saying?

Carlie1SC: now that i met your mom i know she's a better woman than me

Carlie1SC: because i couldn't do it myself like she did

RBStoryteller: What does Mom have to do with this?

Carlie1SC: she's so proud of you. she must have been happy to have you.

Carlie1SC: i'm not like that.

RBStoryteller: My mother was scared to death when she had me. That's normal.

RBStoryteller: But I don't see why you're talking about her.

Carlie1SC: i was going to end it, don't you get it?

RBStoryteller: You didn't though, right?

Carlie1SC: i was going to kill your baby and not tell you.

Carlie1SC: because i'm not as good as your mom.

Carlie1SC: aren't you mad? what if she was like me? you wouldn't be here!

RBStoryteller: Carlie, please calm down.

RBStoryteller: I'm not mad at you, you didn't do anything.

Carlie1SC: of course you are

RBStoryteller: I swear I'm not.

RBStoryteller: My mother was older than you, and it was different then.

RBStoryteller: It's different circumstances, you know that.

Carlie1SC: but i should have told you.

Carlie1SC: roderick, i was scared and i didn't go to you. i pushed you away.

RBStoryteller: Then I forgive you.

Carlie1SC: you should be with someone less awful than me.

RBStoryteller: Carlie, do you remember when I had the panic attack?

RBStoryteller: You were the only one I trusted, but I never told you why.

RBStoryteller: So many people just throw words at me. Not you.

RBStoryteller: Other than Mom, you're the only person who ever wanted to get close to me.

RBStoryteller: Not because I could do something for you, but just because you cared.

Carlie1SC: i just thought you needed to be close to someone.

RBStoryteller: No one else thinks that way.

Carlie1SC: those idiots act like you're a robot but you're not.

RBStoryteller: You're still showing me that you care.

Carlie1SC: i don't deserve you.

RBStoryteller: That's the same thing I always thought.

RBStoryteller: I think we help each other stand through the tough times.

Carlie1SC: yeah

Carlie1SC: but i still feel bad that i couldn't be more honest.

RBStoryteller: So maybe you made a mistake. Now I get to make one some day :)

Carlie1SC: i'll remember that :)

RBStoryteller: We're still going out on Saturday, right?

RBStoryteller: I'm actually a little excited for it.

Carlie1SC: let them try to stop me :)